On the J.P

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED MONDAY, APRIL 17 2006

My family is becoming progressive.I don’t know if it is because of the warm weather, or they finally opened their clogged ears to what I have been saying all of these wonderful years. But they have come along way.Like usual, I had people over, and though my bedroom door was closed, on my bed was a recent issue of Clik Magazine on my bedcover featuring Jonathan Plummer, Terry McMillan’s ex-husband.Going into my bedroom, like the brave soldier some of my family members are, they asked me a very interesting question:Is Jonathan Plummer my type?I don’t think anybody will understand how floored I was by the question. Because of my bisexuality and the perception of my bisexuality and homosexuality, many people assume that if they look or smell gay then we must fuck. It took me forever (still am) to get them to realize that the gay relationships or even gay hookups are more complex than heterosexual relationships and booty calls.Not only do you have to deal with attraction and general compatibility, but there is also sexual compatibility. Top, Bottom, Versatile, Oral, etc., Hookup or potential relationship; with each sexual preference being a minefield on whether or not anything sexually can transpire.In a hetero relationship, everybody knows what’s going down. The only question is it a booty call or is it a relationship.Back to Mr. Plummer.The fact that they would even ask was so startling that I almost forgot to answer the question. Instead of giving a detail response, of what I really thought, I simply told them that he was attractive.He is. He just wouldn’t fall into my average type.Jonathan is what I would label Gay Cute. He’s pretty and he is cute, going by his “metrosexual” appearance I would say a little on the femme side. (Quick question: Is it still metrosexual after he came out???) Not that I have anything against that, if that’s his thing, but that isn’t my usual cuisine. Even though he is a little pretty for my taste, I would still “toss him a bone.” I would be lying if I said I didn’t! It wouldn’t be on a relationship plane, unless his personality is highly attractive for me to consider a relationship, but it would be like an after-the-club booty call type situation.Unlike some of my friends who are booking their flight to the west coast to seek out Winston, I don’t find the ex-husband thing all that attractive. Nor do I think it’s the old light-skinned thing that fuels an attraction, but rather his large lips.I’m going to leave that at that.As for my family to get a sense of my attraction, I pulled out a later issue of Rolling Out that featured a rapper that feel into my type category. I am not really into the thug. Though, I won’t hate if that is part of the person instead of the act most of these wannabes want to portray. He was a fantasy more than a type, but I couldn’t resist.Even my rapper fantasy, don’t really fit into my overall type. My type is handsome and thick and masculine. Although those are overused terms, I mean them. And unlike my usual stance of justifying it—I’ve decided not to.Okay, I am, but that is because that is who I am dammit! Handsome should be self-explanatory. A mug isn’t everything, but I do need to look at you through the good and the bad. When I say thick, I mean thick. Not fat. And I don’t say that to put anybody down, I’m just saying there is a world of difference between being an extra twenty pounds thick in oppose to an additional two hundred pounds fat. A few years ago, I wouldn’t been so staunch, but today is a new day being that there are a multitude of brothas that are unsure where they fit—including myself. Masculinity for me isn’t defined by a deep voice or an attitude, but rather the person’s willingness to carry themselves at all times. Meaning, they are comfortable with who they are in all settings without the threat of changing up to fit in. Like for example, there are those that will change like chameleons wherever they are. They will be “girl-ing” it up in Midtown and trying to act hard in the SWATs. Or, they will try act hard at the club and flame out in the bedroom. The masculinity thing isn’t important to me because of my bisexuality or even general attraction. My thing is this, if you’re willing to flake out on me because of environment, what else will you flake out about?As for my feelings towards the whole thing between Terry and Jonathan is this: If Terry did not know that Jonathan was gay (thought I picked up on that the very first time I saw him on television when I was a teenager; I’m not big on gaydar maybe family can recognize family, whatever) it could be a very strong possibility that Jonathan didn’t know that he was gay either (or repressing it), being from Jamaica.I say that with ease because as many people from Bermuda, Jamaica and other West Indies Islands come to Atlanta for Black Pride it is ridiculous. They have enough people to come here to have a native pride celebration.As for the rest of it, having read both articles of Clik featuring Jonathan and Terry (separate issues), I don’t know. I say that honestly because I’ve been a victim of a very controlling May-December relationship where I was reminded on a continuum that I had nothing without my older financier. Then, too, I think both are a little bit too old to play victim and indulge in name-calling.